For every TV show that makes it to air, there are roughly one hundred that die on the vine. Grim, right? This is a business not about success, but about surviving failure—and man, am I getting good at failing. I only cried a little bit the other day when I received some devastating work-related news. Which is a substantial improvement on how much I cried over the other, entirely separate career disappointment I referenced in this TikTok. Those tears came for weeks, because the show had gobbled up years of my life.
TV writers are trained not to talk about this stuff. I don’t if it’s because of NDAs, or propriety or what, but the general opinion is that you keep your mouth shut up until the very moment something goes to air (you used to be able to talk about things when they were greenlit, and now even that’s precarious). But while I’m getting better at taking failures on the chin, I am arguably getting worse at keeping them a secret.
Because it sucks spending so much time making things in a vacuum, for an audience of one (or maybe ten-ish, if you count a handful of development execs, producers, assistants etc). It’s hard not to get a little jaded. Mostly because, forget my shows—I cannot tell you how many incredible pilots I’ve read by other writers that won’t ever go to air. They’re too weird, or too expensive, or the team behind it doesn’t have enough clout, or it was between two pilots and the network went with the other for purely political reasons…or, or, or.
Point being: the best TV shows ever made are ones you will never see. 1
That’s why I find it a little funny when audiences complain about their favorite shows only getting one season. Like, do you know how hard it is just to get a greenlight? A whole season is a downright miracle! I feel like I am becoming Bluebeard, all of my dead projects locked in the basement.
Failure fallout protocols
But like I said—I’m getting better at navigating failure. I have managed to reduce my resultant melancholia to roughly 24 hours and some change. So here’s what I do to get over shit once it goes under.
1. Get creative
I have tried the coping tactic I like to call Remy van Winkle. This is when I go lie in bed for a week straight, unmoving, with the occasional addition of a shitty reality show. But—and this is gonna blow your mind, I know—it turns out that just makes me depressed. Who knew that sitting in the darkness all day wasn’t good for you?
So these days when I get bad news, I try to quickly do something creative. For instance, writing this very Substack. It could also mean reading a different book for work, or doing fiddly little changes on another script. Just something that proves to myself I am not, in fact, going to quit this industry and move to Iowa.
But before I do my creative endeavor, there is something that must happen first —
2. Get out and get spending
I like to pass the first few hours after the initial shock of devastation out in public, and far from the temptation of my bed-turned-tear-trough. Generally this is shopping; I am a big believer in buying my way out of sadness with a silly little top from Squaresville or a more serious blazer from Scout LA. But that could even mean just getting a tasty pastry from Canyon Coffee. The point is to do something indulgent without sliding into my most base instincts.
Simultaneously, I need to —
3. Get in touch
In the aftermath of disaster, I will text everyone, and I mean everyone. You will get calls, you will get DMs, I will rally the motherfuckin’ troops. It helps that many of my friends work in entertainment and can sympathize (or better yet, give me primo gossip to cheer me up). Once I send up the smoke signal, usually by end of the day someone will have come over with a bottle of natural orange from Psychic Wines.
This time around, I was pity-gifted Susiecakes cupcakes; their buttercream frosting is only rivaled by Alcove.
These tasted much better than my tears.
4. Get inspired
After reality has sunk in and I’ve had a little bit of booze and/or cake, the next step is to watch something. It cannot be too cerebral (eg SOLARIS), but it can’t be downright dumb (eg anything on Bravo). Here are some movies that hit just the right note of comforting but not judiciously indulgent:
CHARADE (1963): There’s almost no failure that a movie starring Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant can’t fix. Do you like costumes by Hubert de Givenchy, the city of Paris and/or top-notch romantic banter? Then this film is for you. Special shoutout to the ‘orange’ scene which is a masterclass in steam sans sex.
D.E.B.S. (2004): This movie is like a feature-length adaptation of the meme “be gay, do crime.” Except I guess it isn’t crime so much as spycraft…in any case, there is also female friendship and Devon Aoki and that’s enough for me.
PARTY GIRL (1995): Because Parker Posey fixes everything. If you’ve already seen this, check out Posey’s under-appreciated feature House of Yes (1997).
THE BEST LITTLE WHOREHOUSE IN TEXAS (1982): I think there should be an annual holiday devoted to this Dolly Parton movie musical. We would all just sit around and watch it while wearing bustles and drinking sherry. It is two straight hours of fun that cures most major and minor forms of melancholia.
SOAPDISH (1991): A laugh-out-loud comedy about a soap opera star that I cannot believe somebody hasn’t adapted into a TV show. Wait…that’s not a bad idea…lemme write that down.
5. Get grateful
Ultimately, there’s no point in sitting in the negative emotions for more than a day. Because one way or another, I can always find something to be grateful for in the experience. It can be the connections I’ve made, or the material I’ve produced—or fuck, even just the money I’ve earned. I’ve gotten to work with my childhood idols, other writers who I could only have dreamed of meeting; I’ve had heads of industry offer to write me a reference anywhere I go next. I am deeply, profoundly fortunate that no project has ever really been a zero sum game. Everything has taught me something.
6. Get medicated
But if all else fails, pop a Xanax. #LA
Great Gowns, Beautiful Gowns
The other thing I didn’t mention is that, when I’m sad, I need to look at beautiful stuff. So while I was feeling down this time around, I started looking at pretty dresses.
I’m going to two weddings in the next two weeks; I’m the maid of honor in one of them. And I just went wedding dress shopping with another friend for her October nuptials. In short, this matrimony-palooza has consumed my life. All I can think about is minaudieres and costume jewelry.
I already have my dress—it’s this Christopher John Rogers one. I invested heavily because, as an unabashed Outfit Repeater, I will be wearing it to four different weddings this year; for some reason, all of the events are black tie only. I assume this is because I have glamorous friends with strong aesthetic visions.
All this to say, I have spent so much time looking for formal dresses and gowns, but only have one body. So let me share the wealth of my finds, divided up by price point. These dresses range in size from an XS-XL; some are new, others are vintage. Happy browsing and/or buying!
Under $500(ish)
Most people looking for a dress under $500 would go to IG-friendly brands like House of CB, Reformation, Realisation Par, etc. But I have tried on dresses from all of those places and I beg you—save your money. If that is the only thing you take from this post, I will have done the Lord’s work. Their prices seem reasonable in comparison to the rest of the market, but their manufacturing standards are so ludicrously subpar that you’re actually overpaying for the product.
You are far better off going vintage—hence why all of the dresses in this section are secondhand.
Ok so the Marchesa gown is a little over $500 but it’s so festive I simply had to include it. I’ve also heard some old wives’ tale about how wearing black at a wedding is bad luck but this Morgane le Fay dress couldn’t possibly bring ill-tidings—especially because it’s on sale for oh, roughly 1/20th of the cost of a normal Morgane dress. And if you like that Rick Owens dress, you can find it for a little more money but in a range of sizes here, and in a similar (if not identical) style for only $262 here.
I included the Markarian dress because I think they’re a great brand for formal wear. This other Markarian cocktail dress is on sale for 70% off, and I’ll be wearing the following Markarian to one of the weddings’ Friday night cocktails.
Shameless plug—if you’d like to rent this dress from me (it will only have been worn once!), you can find it on my Pickle page, along with aforementioned CJR gown and many, many other pieces from my wardrobe.
$500-800(ish)
This is the section where I really embraced color and drama. Because what’s a fancy event for if not showing off??
Do you or anyone you know have experience with the brand Solace London? Because from what I’ve seen, they’re one of the best (relatively) affordable makers in the gown game right now. You can see this dreamy pink number above, but I also love this Auntie Mame-ish yellow one.
The 16Arlington one I included above actually sold moments before I sent this newsletter out :/ But luckily you can find many others in the same style but different colors/patterns on TRR. It may be a slightly overplayed garment, but a friend of mine owns it and I can confirm it looks fabulous in person. Oh, and I threw that blue 1960s dress in there because 1) I temporarily lost my mind but also 2) it reminds me of a more colorful version of those Shushu/Tong dresses everyone goes nuts for.
And an honorable mention to dresses that I think might be too informal but which are nevertheless adorable: this extremely sexy Jean Paul Gaultier and this VTG Nicole Miller.
$800-1200(ish)
I have arbitrarily capped this list around $1200; when I went much higher, my eyes started to water. Please note that several of these are from 1stDibs, which means you may be able to bargain the seller down.
Much like Solace London was my gown go-to for under $800, I think Bernadette is poised to be the that girl of this price range. As an added bonus, they have many modest options for folks who prefer to show less skin. I love the above striped one, as well as this insane pink dress.
You’ll notice two Ermanno Scervino gowns—this black one and this pink one—and that’s because I simply couldn’t choose. If you like the black Ermanno but it’s not your size, this new Mônot is almost identical. Carolina Herrera also does excellent classic gowns with a twist, and like Bernadette, they have great modest options. I believe the above pink and red dress would be wonderful with a little tailoring.
Speaking of which, all of the following Herrera’s are deeply discounted—but still way over my aforementioned price limit. Just for fun, though, have a look.
And there you have it! If anyone’s interested, I’m happy to also cover practical heels you can dance in and cute clutches that actually fit your phone.
Closing Thoughts
I may have (thus far) failed at making a TV show, but goddamnit, at least I’ve made a Substack! And I’ve resisted the urge to make a podcast, so that’s gotta be some kind of win. But I will be appearing on a podcast I’ve actually namechecked as one of my faves. It’s called manifestation, babes! That should be up sometime next month.
By the way, for anyone curious about my new pro-attention protocol I discussed in the last newsletter, here’s an update: I finished Mating. Turns out this stupid $13 alarm clock has done more for my mental health than any number of Internet-blocking apps ever did. So let me know what I should read next in the comments <3
XOXO, Remy
I may earn some money if you make a purchase through one of the links above.
This is not me referring to my own dead projects, my ego is nowhere near that big.
I feel this so hard (as someone who is still trying to break into the TV writing world [which, why tf am i doing that lol]) — being a creative in an industry where to even get to create is essentially impossible is Not Very Fun!
Sorry that work has been hard for u :(
I think Ovate has beautiful dresses. And if I don’t have immaculate taste with this recommendation feel free to call me out!