I am self-obsessed. I mean, aren’t we all?
But my navel-gazing may be more readily apparent than most; after all, my TikTok is just dozens of ‘talking head’ style videos of me giving my opinions. I literally loom large in the universe of my own making. It started as an attempt to build a brand, something that is a sine qua non of being an artist in 2024. To that end, I spawned myself in monotone across a million FYPs—only to find myself worrying that my identity is overtaking my art. Not a day goes by that I don’t ask myself if I’ve made a terrible mistake.
But that’s not just because of the intangible questions of the art vs the artist. It’s also because becoming a content creator has justified my preexisting addiction to social media. Now this attention vortex is actually work, scrolling through infinite videos is studying the market place. I haven’t finished a book all year; I have been battling my way through Mating by Norman Rush since January. It’s gotten so bad that the other day, I couldn’t read through more than a page or two of a studio outline before stopping to fiddle with my phone. I crave the scroll’s dissociative peace in my very body, blood pressure spiking and hands twitching if I am deprived for more than a couple minutes.
All of this is embarrassing to admit…in part because I’m conscious it runs counter to my brand. A statement which, in a screed of humiliating admissions, is perhaps the most mortifying of all.
I’m being vulnerable not because I think it’s charming, or even remotely groundbreaking, but for two reasons. One, I’m consumed by a panic that we’re not taking this general attention crisis seriously, especially in Gen Alpha and my fellow Gen Z’s. This Slate article explains it’s not just that my generation is losing interest in hobbies like reading; it’s that there’s a steep decline in our ability to grasp subjects with any depth. Forget cultural literacy; how the hell are we supposed to build a productive society if we can’t even comprehend the world around us?
Now, reason #2—as you may have gathered, this is my way of saying I am going to try to be on TikTok less. [I have taken to deleting the app off my phone every day, and then re-downloading it for thirty minutes after work hours. Psychotic, yes. Effective…kind of.] But that’s not bad news for this blog—if anything, I will be on here more. This is the kind of platform that I think allows for community-building while promoting deep engagement. So thank you for following me onto here, and for generally listening to me bitch and moan when I’m supposed to be offering you a distraction from exactly this kind of daily bullshit.
Keeping it on the subject of self-centeredness, let’s get into the more lighthearted topic of today’s newsletter—customization.
Remy, Remy, Remy
I’ve already admitted to a passionate interest in my image, so it will probably come as no surprise that I love putting my name on anything and everything. My friends have likened this to a dog peeing on a hydrant to mark its territory. I have customized business cards, wallets, matchbooks—and, perhaps my greatest coup, condoms.
If you’re in the market for a similar custom contraceptive, I believe I got them from this site.
But I haven’t stopped at tchotchkes. If anything, I’ve gotten more ambitious. For my birthday last year, I dragged all of my friends to a Barbenheimer double-feature. Needless to say, that required custom T-shirts.
By the way, I gave guests party favors for each stage of the festivities—candy cigarettes and black coffee for Oppenheimer, pink canned tequila cocktails and candy lips for Barbie.
I’ve mentioned this in a video before, but I also love my custom suit from Rosecut Clothing. One of these days I will get the skirt tailored again so I can give the full fantasy. In the meantime, enjoy the jacket.
This picture is one of many that makes me wonder why I never look at the back of my head before leaving the house.
My customization fetish is nothing new; I had a whole-ass airbrush station at my bat mitzvah. Here’s an example of one of the wonders they ginned up that night.
Also, my bat mitzvah was Juicy Couture-themed. If you promise not to think less of me, I will show you pictures of the most self-indulgently pink event ever staged. And if you’re in the market for a similar sweatshirt (or T-shirt, or tote bag, or—you get the picture), check out Customland LA.
A friend who knows my passion for putting my name on things recently gifted me this engraved YSL lipstick. Please ignore the fact that it looks a little beat up; that’s because it has been out partying with me.
Since receiving this, I’ve become obsessed with the idea of giftable, engraved makeup. If you share this passion, you can also get engraved Prada perfume bottles, Charlotte Tilbury compacts, and Armani lipsticks. Tres chic.
TBC (To Be Customized)
While I’ve already put my name on plenty of things, there are still more objects that I want to scrawl Remy across. I’ll start with the thing that actually sparked this whole post.
I want personalized stationary. There, I said it! And before you call me crazy, hear me out—a Papyrus birthday card (which is the only non-joke greeting card brand my local Albertson’s carries) is now going from anywhere between $7 to $10. At that rate, it would almost be cheaper to just get custom notecards. And so, so much cooler.
Except…the cards I have my eye on are insane. And I need you to know that I know it is insane. But I cannot deny my animalistic hunger for this pink Smythson stationary.
I am up at night thinking about that pink tissue lining, I crave those creamy pink edges. But the price breakdown comes out to about $15 a card, which no amount of ‘girl math’ can justify. So in the meantime, I’ve gone on a hunt for other paper-makers who do this style of lining. This is what I’ve got so far.
You get the theme, right? I’m not sure I’m satisfied with any of these choices, though. None of them look as vibrant and expensive as the Smythson (because none of them are, duh!). So please feel free to leave your stationary recs in the comments because I am desperate.
Next up, Bella Hadid’s cowboy BF has me thinking a lot about the horniness of belt buckles (I mean, there must be a reason cowboy groupies are called ‘buckle bunnies’). Plus, I semi-regularly go to a queer line dancing event in LA where everyone’s got a hot little belt buckle they hold on to as they thrust their hips forward.
I included the heart one because I think it’s cute but realistically, I’d customize this plain one from the same seller. There’s something about the buckle that also feels connected to the brutalist/80s organic jewelry revival we saw all over the street style of NYFW.
Generally speaking, though, I customize things that I can give to friends and family. I was fretting that I’d reached the limits of my host-centric ingenuity—until inspiration struck, courtesy of LA’s rain.
A custom umbrella!
I’m not clear how much this costs, but you do have to order 25 of them. Still, imagine this—your friend is over. You’ve both had a glass of wine while watching Hannah and Her Sisters. It’s time for your friend to leave. But wait! It’s started raining, and she has no coat. What’s a girl to do? You give her this custom umbrella. And now whenever it rains, she thinks of you <3
Horniness alert: 18+ section incoming!
I took a break from writing this post to go watch my friend’s new short film about two men who roleplay as boyfriends for sexual and emotional gratification. Somehow the confluence of this post and that movie led me to the thought—where are all the customized butt plugs?
And the answer is, obviously, on Etsy.
Is this the most beautiful butt plug ever made? Maybe not. But much to my dismay, I found that most of the other options were not engraved but rather, used a sealed printout of the text. That is to say, they looked cheap. Anyways, I’ve spent lots of time thinking about the funniest possible thing to put on the plug. Is it your name? Your lover’s name? A random celebrity’s name, like William Hogarth (an 18th century painter)? The world is your oyster.
Custom-ish
Many moons ago, I promised in this Substack that I was going to investigate rumors of a famous corset-maker in DTLA, someone who’d made pieces for Rihanna and Gaga. Well sure enough, dear reader—I found him. He’d just moved locations, so I had to text with him in advance to find the store. I felt like I was running a covert drug smuggling operation.
When I finally arrived, I was greeted by a very colorful character—the eponymous Hoss, of Hoss Corsets. During the hour in which he helped me pick out a corset, he told me so many stories that I don’t have the space to repeat all of them here.1 He explained how at 16, when he started sleeping with women, he found that he didn’t like the naked form. He knew it needed more. That led him to a girlfriend whose great grandmother was a corsetière. When the grandma died, he purchased over a hundred 18th-century corsets off the girlfriend’s family. Studying those patterns is what sparked his passion for the business, and he’s been in corsets for the last 40-odd years.
His styles veer towards steampunk; I suspect most people buy these for costumes, as opposed to me, who wanted a simple, basic piece as part of my regular wardrobe. But if you look closely, he has plenty of subtler options, all of which he designs himself.
I was particularly partial to some of his linen designs, which reminded me of several classic Margiela looks. But ultimately, this red number won out.
Ignore the lazy track pants; you can see how I actually styled it in this TikTok. At my request, he changed out the black laces in back for red ribbons. Which, for the purposes of this themed post, I am counting as customized.
But let’s get to the real question: girl, how much did it cost? For the corset, the ribbons, and a set of cutlets (very necessary), it was $600. I know, I balked at the price too. But these are all made by a local designer who takes a truly painstaking amount of time to help you find the right fit and shows you how to lace it up. In short, if you feel like dropping some serious cash on a very serious piece, hit up Hoss.
Links, links, links
I’m starting to think it is tradition for this newsletter that I dump a bunch of links at the end. Someday I will integrate them more carefully in the letter. But right now I have two different scripts due and this is what we’re working with.
First up, it’s been a shoe-heavy week in my browser history.
Eagle-eyed readers will notice two themes: court shoes and Stephane Kélian. The former because I love a comfortable heel that gives both business and pleasure, the latter because it’s an iconic 70s/80s French shoe brand that hasn’t yet had its prices jacked up. And the Tod’s are in there because…well, because I felt like it.
Next up, clothes. For this week, my mood is party girl on the go.
Again, you will notice a theme: bubble skirts. These have been stomping down the runway for quite some time, but the Maroske Peech one feels truly modern. I may also pull the trigger on the All is a Gentle Spring top. In my darker hours I toggle back and forth between the like, 12 items on their website, debating (and never buying) every single piece. In fact, I am still weighing whether or not I should’ve included this black top instead. Finally, not pictured above but still important is this Lisa Says Gah bubble skirt. Simple, cute, we stan.
Inattentive
Thanks for lending me your attention for a few minutes, even a few seconds—I know it is valuable and that there are many, many things vying for it.
Though this post was very much about me, it is always intended to be for you. So if there’s anything specific + special you’d like to see me cover in this newsletter going forward, I am at your beck and call <3
That’s all, folks!
I may earn some money if you make a purchase through one of the links above.
And if I get any of these facts wrong—Hoss, forgive me, I have the memory of a flea.
I was a personal assignment for a stationery lover, so I have some suggestions.
Papier is an excellent Smythson "dupe." They do fun collaborations with the Met, Victoria and Albert Museum, and things like that. I'm partial to their Tonal Border set: https://www.papier.com/us/tonal-border-42032.
Alissa Bell is an artist and designer that lives in Carmel. Cool envelopes and every Pantone color available: https://www.alissabell.com/shop
Mount Street Paper does beautiful bespoke stationery that will probably end up being a little less than Smythson depending on whether you go for foil printed, embossed, engraved, etc: https://www.mountstreetprinters.com/pages/personalised-stationery
And if you really want to treat yourself (and store your personalized stationery in a custom, velvet box with your name on it too), there's always Wren Press. They are very proud of their two royal warrants, meaning they are the stationery suppliers for the British Royal Family. They also handle the stationery needs for the US Embassy, the Ritz London, and Qatar (yes, the country Qatar). Honestly though, their stationary is comparably priced to Smythson's ($7-$12 a card). Very surprised Smythson is that expensive.
https://wrenpress.com/pages/bespoke-personal-stationery