I used to be a good sleeper. A great one, even. I could fall asleep on planes, in cars…hell, I’ve fallen asleep in bars. But recently, I’ve been doing this weird thing where I go to sleep right on time, happy as a clam—only to wake up 4 hours later. Then I can’t go back to sleep. I proceed to shake my fist at the ceiling. Someone will pay for this!! But by 5am or so, I give up and just make my usual coffee, my day already off to a terrible start.
So my doctor gave me Ambien. It rocked my core identity of being a ‘good sleeper,’ but shit was getting desperate. I set my pride aside and popped one of the pills.
Here’s something he failed to mention, something I could have discovered if I had done, oh, one Google search before medicating: Ambien makes you a little loopy. I know, I know, you’re thinking to yourself, Were you the last person in America to find out about this? And the answer is unfortunately yes. And I found out the hard way—
When I woke up the following morning to discover I’d completed a series of purchases that I’d completely forgotten about. Oops.
So I’m off the Ambien, but I figured you might benefit from my late-night, drug-addled perusals. And after that, we’ll talk about all the secondhand items on TheRealReal I thankfully did not buy (but which you should).
Impulse Buys
Honestly as I review these purchases, I kinda think I ate. Like I think most people on drugs would’ve purchased, I don’t know, a Pickle Rick costume or something. But even totally zonked out of my mind—I’ll say it, I had taste.
The Light
I was delighted when I found my current apartment last year. Everything about it was perfect: the little balcony covered in bougainvillea, the bedroom with a view of the whole city, the charming kitchenette. It was paradise. Just one problem: the lighting sucked.
For some reason, in this 1920s apartment, the property management company had decided to install all these awful lighting fixtures—ugly silver ceiling lights with bad LEDS, sconces that made me shudder. I thought about how much I hated them every time I passed by.
I’ve slowly replaced each of the fixtures. I swapped out the offending sconces for these Urban Outfitters sconces1. I switched the bad chandelier for a vintage lawnware lamp. I added a bunch of other light sources, including the indulgent but delightful ‘Fontanelle’ from Soft Spot.
But one blight remained: my bathroom light.
And this was one was a special monstrosity: it was huge, unwieldy and it lit the place up like a public restroom. There was simply no way to look good in this light. To make matters worse, it disturbed my already fragile sleep schedule when I went to pee in the middle of the night and was hit with a small sun’s worth of kilowatts. It has bothered me for a full calendar year.
So when I was on Ambien, I finally decided to rectify it. And man, did I do a damn good job.
Introducing my new Hay ‘Matin’ pendant light.
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Isn’t she beautiful? Simple but high impact, casting a soft light that flushes gently through the room. I got it in the above peach shade to complement my tiles, but it also comes in vibrant oxblood, ocean blue, sunny yellow, and many more.
And the best part is that it doesn’t break the bank: my large peach pendant cost $100. The fixture comes in a range of prices between $100-$140 depending on size and colorway; in this case, bigger doesn’t necessarily equal more expensive.
I would show you a picture of how beautiful it is in my bathroom, but I don’t want to reveal just how bad a job I did of painting the corners of my ceiling. So you’ll just have to trust that it’s downright fabulous.
The Dress
I know I swore up and down that I was going to wear the same pink Christopher John Rogers dress to five weddings this year to get my money’s worth. But what can I say— the Ambien had other plans.
I fell into a Vestiaire hole and emerged with a frothy, frilly delight: a vintage Zac Posen dress.
The seller took blurry pictures but I knew that at $243, this tea length gown was a steal. Mark my words, Posen is going to have a resurgence thanks to that Gap dress (currently out of stock but I’m sure on it’s way back any day now). Zac is, above everything else, a master of tailoring, and what our culture needs now more than ever is a well-placed pleat.
So before the resale prices get obscene, shop a couple of my fave vintage Posen pieces currently on the market.
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To me, the real standout in terms of cut, color and price is this purple silk Posen dress that’s just $45 on TheRealReal. That is just an undeniably excellent price. There’s also something very Audrey Hepburn about this magneta boat neck cocktail dress, and if you’re into the bubble hem craze, check out this Posen dress. Also I know I said I was gonna do dresses, but I snuck in a black flouncy skirt because you only live once.
And now…for a special treat. I’ve recently been talking a lot about bridal wear on TikTok, so I feel compelled to include this absolutely show-stopping Posen gown. It’s not a traditional wedding dress but that’s what makes it such a cool choice.
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Wow. If you look closely, you’ll see those aren’t sequins but rather carefully arrayed white shells. The way they gently fade in and fade out sheer overlay is masterful; this is a dress made by a man who cares about women.
The Snack
Another thing that I learned about Ambien (once I bothered to do any research) is that it leads to late night snacking. And boy, did I have the munchies. Didn’t help that in the comments section of my recent video on snack foods, people left roughly 1,380 suggestions for foods to try next.
Of all the many ideas, one rose above the rest: Funfetti Muddy Buddies.
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Hey guys? This shit rocks. I woke up at 5am again this morning (kill me) and immediately put back half a bag of this stuff. It is so good it seems criminal. Whatever they’ve put in here—and I’m sure it’s a list of chemicals I don’t want to know anything about— it is sublime.
The Ticket
All of the previous purchases I can make sense of; they were things I’d eyed for a while and let languish in my shopping cart. I am not proud of my spending, but I can reason it through.
…And then there’s this.
A Frost Children concert. You know what’s crazy? I don’t really like the Frost Children. Nothing against them, but they’re not my cup of tea. And Grandma? Pass. Ky Newman’s a nice guy, but I’ve seen him play several times before. What the hell was I thinking?
There’s no way to know. Because sometimes Miss Ambien has plans of her own. 🙏
TRR Picks
I feel like if I don’t regularly report on my TheRealReal wishlist, it starts to eat at me. I’m like, I have this valuable information and somebody must hear it. Or maybe I’m just trying to justify how much time I spend on that website, who knows. In any case, here’s what I’m shopping these days.
Purse Party
I’ve been having a real hankering for purses lately. Maybe that’s a good sign—maybe it means I have (at least temporarily) sated all my clothing needs and can now turn to accessories.
Or it just means I’ve found a new shopping fixation. Who’s to say!
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Of all these purses, the one I covet the most profoundly is obviously this pink sequined Fendi baguette. This is like what I as an 8-year-old imagined owning; it is the Uptown Girl of purses. But as for the most practical, well that’s definitely this suede Jil Sander number. And the best deal? Easily this Prada mink purse that’s going for $242.
Shoe String
Ever since acquiring the Yohji x Adidas cow print sneakers (I’d link to them but they have now sold out everywhere), I have been very into Yohji footwear. Shoes I once would’ve dismissed out of hand have become beautiful to me. And that’s the transformative power of shopping, kids.
I particularly love the idea of these Yohji slouchy boots with some micro shorts. I am also bafflingly stirred by these Y-3 lace-up pumps, which look like something Fergie would’ve worn in 2003 (mean that as the highest compliment).
In Closing
Suffice to say, I’m off the Ambien and back to my same old Dreamwater. And with that, back on my budget—I’m saving up for a prospective trip to Montreal next month, and I don’t need to blow any more cash on random concert tickets. If you have any recs for that, let me know in the comments. (And please tell me about your wildest drug-induced buys, just because I think you guys will have some funny answers.)
Also if you’d like to hear me yap a bit, I appeared on my friend Asia Grant’s podcast It’s Called Taste (no relation to Immaculate Taste but I love to see #taste on the rise). We had a great time talking about, well, pretty much everything.
You can watch an excerpt of our chat here—
This video is how I learned it’s time for me to get serious about acquiring some eyeshadow skills </3
Until next week, my turtle doves!
Huge heads up about these—while they look great, they are poorly made. My handyman had to drill a new hole in them to make the bulb fit correctly and long story short, it was doable but a pain.
I may earn some money if you make a purchase through one of the links above.
I’m absolutely horrified neither your doc nor pharmacy gave you any warnings about the ambien side effects. Like, these are extremely common and can be dangerous!! Related: I feel you on the fucked-up sleep. I’ve struggled with chronic insomnia my whole life and it’s debilitating. It’s made me literally crazy at times in my life and I’m pretty sure it’s made me dumber overall. I’ve tried everything and had no significant or sustained success. A lot of people swear by magnesium supplements - if you haven’t tried them, beware: do your research because certain types will give you 💩problems, and look for capsules instead of tablets because magnesium pills are ENORMOUS. You can also try magnesium oil on your feet (idk, for me it had a very weird texture) or a magnesium cream (very expensive).
Percocet will do this to you too… after I broke my jaw I would regularly wake up to find eBay purchase confirmation emails I didn’t remember - best purchase was a set of vintage French dunkin donuts mugs